Tag Archives: Parent

Routine – what’s all the fuss about?!?!

English: Group of children in a primary school...

English: Group of children in a primary school in Paris Español: Niños en una escuela elemental en París Français : Enfants dans une école élémentaire à Paris (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s a new year at school and we are settling into our routines nicely now.  The children are getting to know the teachers and the teachers are finding out how each child responds and what they like and dislike.

It’s really amazing how teachers can tell whether a child has a routine at home or whether they don’t.  We have children who eat “around the room” and some who can sit at the table and eat their lunch.  This tells us that a child doesn’t have boundaries in this area at home.  We can tell when children get to have things “their way” all the time or whether or not they have to take turns and share.  It really doesn’t take much to figure out whether the child rules the home or whether the parents do.  It’s not rocket science and it isn’t really all that hard to figure out.  If a child does not have a regular bedtime we can tell that too.  We can even tell when a child lives with grandparents or if a home has been split and the parents are not living together anymore.  Children are open books and their actions tell a lot about what happens in their family dynamic.

Routine plays a big role in how children interact with one another and with adults.

You might be thinking “what’s all the fuss”, routine can be boring.  And you’re right about that.  Adults can find routine very voring.   But it’s not boring for a child.  Routine is comforting.  Routine helps regulate mood.  It plays a role in how children eat.  It plays a big part in a persons life.   It enables the child to feel safe and it helps a child to regulate their own behaviors and it dictates how a child responds to almost everything.

If you’re unsure of this, come visit a Preschool.  Watch the children.  Observe their reactions.  Observe when the routine is changed and their response to it.

Children can weather through the changes in life if their family life is stable and their is routine within that stability but if that is shaken then a child loses the ability to know what is safe, right or wrong.

You might be wondering what you can do about it if your family homelife has become unstable for some reason.  You might wonder how your kids will turn out.  If this is the case for you, start giving your child more routine in their life and you’ll see a change in how they respond.  They’ll feel safer, more calm, they will be easier to manage and it’ll probably be a great thing for you too.

Don’t underestimate the power of routine.  Try it out today.  You’ll be glad you did.

Who’s got the power?!?

A game of tug of war

Have you ever watched a two year old who doesn’t want to be potty trained?  Well, I have and what I see is a great big power play.  Who has the power in this situation?  I can tell you that the parent certainly wants to have the power but do they really?

What makes the parent feel like they can “get” the child to potty train?  One reason is because the parent is, well, the parent, the adult.  They know that the child is capable of toilet training.  The parents have watched as little Suzie runs over to the corner and hides when she could have run to the bathroom.  Then Mom proceeds to take her to the diaper table and changes her all the while saying something like…”Now Suzie, next time you need to go potty tell Mommy and we’ll go in the big potty.  Anyway, you get the drift.

This is power at its height for the two year old.  The adult wants something and the child doesn’t want to give it to them.  If your child were older and this was, say, an ipod or a TV remote you could tell them that you wanted that item and if they didn’t give it to you there would be a punishment involved.  The child would then choose whether or not to take the consequence.  The power is all yours at this point.  You’re the parent and you know best.  The child either hands over the offending item or you take it and the child gets a punishment.  Either way you have won the battle.

But in the case of a two year old you aren’t going to win this battle.  And the reason you’re not going to win is because you have no power over the child’s body.  To poop or not to poop, that is the question.  And the child is the only one that has the answer.  They will be potty trained when they want and that’s the end of the discussion.  Oh, you can cajole them with a candy or a treat.  You can buy that cutsie toilet seat, read the latest book and watch a video.  But in the end it’s the child’s decision and theirs alone.

I wonder if that’s how God sees us.  We are His children and He has allowed us free will to choose what we want to do.  He has given us the Bible to guide us, Pastors to lead us and so many different signposts to help us along the way.  But still we choose  our own way.

In the case of the two year old we know that in the end that child WILL become potty trained.  But for right now, they have all the power.

In the end we know that God wins but right now we still have the “power”.  The question is, How will you use it?

Cell Phones – wonderful invention or hazard to families

Closeup of a female speaking outside on a cell...

Image via Wikipedia

Happy New Year everyone!  What a great holiday break, spending time with family and friends.  It was great reconnecting and finding out what was happening in everyone’s lives.  I hope you had a great break with family and friends as well.

Which sort of brings me to today’s blog.  Connecting with our families.  Families are priceless.  A price can’t be put on how much our families are worth to us.  But these days, I don’t always see that played out in our everyday lives.  This thing called the cell phone is coming between people and not in a good way.  Oh you might say it’s great because now I can talk to all of my family at any time of the day but to what end?  Have you ever noticed someone talking on the phone to someone and ignoring the person right in front of them.  Well, I have.  And I see it a lot at the Preschool.  Children who are at the Preschool are here because their parents need, choose, want, to work.  Or because parents want their children to have opportunities to connect with other children their age.  There are many reasons.  But the one thing in common to all of these parents is that their children can’t wait for them to pick them up and tell them or show them what they’ve done that day.  Yet, I see parents walk in the school on their cell phone and walk out of the school still on their cell phone.  Barely acknowledging their children.  This sends a message, LOUD and CLEAR, to the child.  “YOU ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS THIS PERSON I AM TALKING TO”.  You’re thinking, No that’s not true, they don’t think that.  But it is true.  Children need to feel loved.  They need to be told they are cared about and they need to be SHOWN that you care for them.  If you’re with someone at dinner and they get a call on their phone and they sit and talk to that person for 5 or 10 minutes.  How does that make you feel?  Or have you every gone to a counter at the store where the sales person is on her phone?  Don’t you just want to grab it away and say “I’m the customer, I’m the important one right now”?  Of course there are exceptions to the rule.  But I don’t see the exception happening.  I see people doing it as an everyday occurrence.  Let me just say this right now in as recpectful a way as I can,  GET OFF THE PHONE!  It’s rude.  It’s rude to the teacher.  It’s rude to the other parents and it’s rude to your own child.  Put the phone away.  Let your child know they are the most important one right at that moment.  Let them tell you about their day, or their art project or about their new friend.  Show them how much you love them.  Please, please, please don’t let the cell phone determine for you how you are going to act to you beloved family or your wonderful friends.  The Preschool staff is important too.  Choose to rule your cell phone and don’t let it rule you.

Thanks for listening!!

Barbara

Self-Esteem in children

Dad and daughter

Image by Peter Werkman (www.peterwerkman.nl) via Flickr

I posted some information on Facebook today about girls and their body image. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but girls are bombarded by the wrong message of what makes them attractive and beautiful. Contrary to the tabloids and fashion magazines out there it isn’t how they dress or whether they are tall, short, blonde, brunette, redhead, overweight or skinny. I know, you say, it’s what’s inside. You’re darn right it’s what’s inside. Unfortunately the world isn’t telling them this. So who’s going to do it? Let me tell you that parents and aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandpas need to be the ones who step up and help our young
girls to be proud of themselves. Loving a child unconditionally is what makes for a healthy body image in young girls. No, that doesn’t mean letting them do whatever they want. It means instructing them in what’t real and what’s not real. Let me say, dads, that you are the most
important person in a girls life to help them to love themselves and to develop that healthy self-esteem. You are the key — telling your child she’s beautiful and showing her is essential to the life of a healthy young woman. Yep, that’s right dad. So get to it!! Step it up. Play an instrumental role in your daughter’s life. You will NEVER
regret it. Who knows…you may be raising the next President of the United States.

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